Can We Play You Every Week?

OK, you could be forgiven for not knowing that a german born astronomer, composer and short-term resident of Sunderland discovered Uranus but maybe not I'm afraid, for being unaware of Everton FC's excellent record against the Mackems at Goodison Park.

 

A quick glance (why not a normal look?) at the league table deemed that nothing but taking all three points against our bi-annual whipping-boys would have been acceptable. And so, with the Chelsea triumph afresh and the recent 7-1 mauling of  'Sunlen' still clearly etched in the collective Evertonian mind, all the signs were flashing 'WIN.'  

 

 

Bruce Almighty

Comfortable certainly wouldn't be a word to sum up Everton's season up until now but after the drama against Blackpool, the disaster at Bolton and the delirium of Stamford Bridge, it is a perfect way to describe this particular Saturday afternoon fare, alongside solid, functional, routine and my personal favourite; workmanlike. We could hardly have wished for a more cooperative opponent as Jermaine Beckford's double moved Everton into the top half of the table for the first time in 2011. 

No palpitations, no extra grey hairs and no kicking of any domestic animals were necessary.

Apart from the magnitude of Steve Bruce's middle-aged-spread, the result was also notable for David Moyes joining Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger by surpassing the milestone of accruing 500 Premier League points. No mean feat for a man who has worked under the financial constraints of the current chairman and his board of directors.

And so, with a very winnable Tuesday evening FA Cup tie versus Reading and a run of league fixtures against Newcastle, Birmingham, Fulham, Aston Villa, Wolves and Blackburn on the horizon, a season that only last week, was just a couple of minutes from receiving its last rites, has suddenly been kicked, workmanlike, back into life.

COYB.

Everton FC - the football club that keeps on giving..........

On the back of Saturdays marvellous win at Stamford Bridge, Everton Football Club has announced a price freeze on 2011/12 season tickets.

On top of that, if you book your seat at Goodison Park for next season before April 16th, you'll save yourself 20% by beating the early bird deadline.

In an impassioned plea that would bring a tear to a bedouins glass-eye, perma-tanned CEO Robert Elstone said:

'Perhaps the most powerful demonstration of fan loyalty is the purchase of a Season Ticket and that commitment on your part needs to be matched, as far as we possibly can, by us.

Fighting back the emotion, he continued:

'A key part of that is ensuring we offer value for money, something that's always been top of our agenda and something sadly even more relevant today with the 'economic squeeze' many of you are experiencing. With that at the forefront of our minds, and despite the increase in VAT, we have frozen all Season Ticket prices."  

 

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Whilst the price freeze should not only be welcomed but applauded [given the state of the season, the unrest following another barren transfer window and the release of the 2009/10 accounts, you can't help imagining the uproar if there were to be an announcement of a significant increase] the slightly desperate and shamelessly patronising appeal from the ex-Deloitte man leaves a somewhat sour taste in the mouth. As a concept, the 'early bird' offer would make perfect sense if of course, the money was being <ahem> ringfenced for the managers summer transfer kitty. In previous seasons it obviously has not been and all too predictably, this year will be no exception.

Thankfully, the club have gone with the up and coming, future world-beating, superstar-in-the-making and most saleable asset Jack Rodwell as the 'face' of the COYB season ticket marketing campaign. Which can only mean that all the recent column inches about him being sold to Man Utd/Man City/Chelsea/Real Madrid in the summer, are nothing more than mischief-making bollocks from the usual red-top suspects.

 

Call me cynical? Call me an Evertonian.

 

Oh and feel free to complete this blogs headline in the comments section, I'll go for;

 

...............your money to the banks.

 

The Equalizers

Scenes of unbridled joy, a berserk release of mass ecstasy, a collective freeing of  frustration and dread, an uncontrollable urge to grab anyone within reach, hug them, squeeze them, kiss them and finally rag them everywhere -  whilst simultaneously roaring like a wild banshee on electric kool-aid - and all thanks to Leighton Baines magnificent 119th minute 25 yard left foot free kick .

In homage to LB's sublime last-minute-of-extra-time strike, there was a post yesterday on the excellent The Peoples Forum asking for Evertonian memories of late, late equalizers, which got my own recollection juices flowing. So, while the memorable triumph against Chelsea has momentarily allowed us to take our worried minds off the current malaise enveloping the club, here are four of my own personal memories [in the sense that I was actually in the ground at the time] of last gasp equalizers and as yesterday, the unique euphoric celebrations they brought with them:

And in Chronological order:

Everton's victory over Chelsea not only went some way in putting the 2009 FA Cup Final to bed, it also, by a Lampard proxy, may well have laid another ghost to rest:

5:  [@3.32]As a 10 year old I witnessed Bob Latchford's flying header in the 1979-80 FA Cup semi-final replay at Elland Road:

 

4: [@1.12] Kevin Sheedy's late free-kick in the 1984-5 FA Cup semi-final at Villa Park:



3: Gary Lineker's equalizer versus Luton on the plastic pitch in the 1985/86 FA Cup at Kenilworth Road. Well almost, I can't find the bastard so here is his goal in the replay at Goodison:



2: Tim Cahill's 86th minute leveler at Anfield in the 2008/09 campaign [thanks to Rob]:



And in honour of the 6000 who were there, straight in at number 1:

1: Leighton Baines unstoppable last-minute free-kick in the 2010/11 FA Cup 4th round replay at Stamford Bridge



Great goal, great day and hat's off to the 6000!!

 

Revolution Blues

In 2002 Gene Sharp,  a somewhat shy and very modest American academic, published “From Dictatorship to Democracy: A Conceptual Framework for Liberation,” a D.I.Y guide to overthrowing a dictatorship using non-violent means. His essay was translated into 24 different languages including Arabic, prior to being made available to download at no cost.

Now, almost a decade later, it seems Sharp's contrary 'non-violent means' theory has perhaps been established as the road to take to democracy.

We are not just talking Egyptians and Tunisians who have, with the help of Sharp's handbook, upended a violent and powerful regime here, amongst other oppressed peoples who have found inspiration and decisive strategic guidance through the humble political scientists work are the Burmese, Bosnians, Estonians, Zimbabweans and as we speak the protesters in Libya and Bahrain.

Reading through the press it is clear that Sharp is quick to dismiss any credit aimed in his direction "the people of Egypt did that — not me,"  likewise he is just as swift in his praise for the people, recently proclaiming the Egyptian revolution as "maybe the most powerful example of  'people power'  in world history."

Closer to home and on an infinitely smaller and less important scale, a small number of different 'groups' consisting of concerned Evertonians, have recently been set up. Their aims, if not their planned methods, are seemingly the same; a better future for Everton Football Club. One of these, brought together under the banner 'Evertonians for Change'  and despite warnings from many of the Everton online community, have recently received a disdainful brush off to their proposal of 'dialogue with the board' from CEO Robert Elstone. 

Watch This Space

Simultaneously, there have been calls for a 'protest' outside Goodison Park against the redundant Bill Kenwright and his feckless board. The rationale being that if our bolder and brasher (and maybe therein lies the problem) red cousins can get a properly organised and concerted protest together, why can't we? Could it be that our old friend Gene Sharp has the key?

'If these Evertonians wish to accomplish something, it is wise to plan how to do it. The more important the goal, the more important planning becomes. Strategic planning increases the likelihood of achieving your goal and only once all like-minded supporters and available resources are pooled together and mobilized will their aims be employed most effectively. This is especially true for all the separate and recently formed Everton supporters movements.'

OK, he didn't quite say that but you catch the drift........ in short, if you believe the time is right, then get it fucking together Blues!! 

Talking of Everton supporters groups, the secretary of KEIOC, Colin Fitzpatrick has submitted a follow-up article to his interview in yesterdays Liverpool Echo on ToffeeWeb. Essential reading for all Evertonians. 

 

 

 



 

 

The Invisible (Chair)Man

Despite the inevitable shouts of  'tell us something we didn't all ready know,' the series of articles concerning what the future holds for Everton Football Club currently being run by the Liverpool Echo, should at least in my mind be generally applauded.

If, like my good self, you happened to take more than a passing notice of the very recent Destination Kirkby debacle, and in particular the shameless one-sided reporting before the now infamous vote, you can not be anything but a little pleased by the current change of tack chosen by the local rag.

Don't get me wrong here, you'll find nothing earth-shattering within the articles, we know 'the club' has been slowly dying on its arse for years. Neither do I believe for a nano second that our very own Claude Rains will be knocking at the knees at the thought of the Old Hall Street hacks flashing their penlights in his general direction.

This being of course, in stark contrast to the Echo's use of WWII searchlights during their apparently relentless pursuit of 'Dem Yanks MKI.' It is nevertheless, a beginning.

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So far we've had a 'Supporters Poll,' the 'Experts View'  and on Thursday we'll be able to digest the 'Fans Having Their Say.' What we'll be afforded in Friday's edition is anyone's guess although I can reveal, as a certainty, that nobody representing 'the club' will be making an appearance. Despite an invitation to contribute from The Echo, 'the club' have issued a plea of  'no comment.'*  No great surprises there either then.

Thankfully 6000 Evertonians will be very much visible when they make their way down to West London for this Saturday's FA Cup 4th round replay with Chelsea. Notwithstanding the ridiculous 12.30 kick-off time, they've been warned by those awfully helpful chaps from Scotland Yard to 'turn up early,' otherwise they risk getting turned over big style by a wounded Chelsea team. Something like that anyway.

*there is an (as yet) unsubstantiated rumour doing the interweb rounds that the players
of Everton FC have been instructed not to speak to the Liverpool Echo. More on that later, or not.

Planet Everton

 

Apparently two very clever  astrophysicists; John Matese and Daniel Whitmire, who, when not blowing our collective minds are playing up-front for the University of Louisiana's over-the-hill-mob at Lafayette, have discovered a colossal new planet in the far reaches of our Solar System. At almost four times the size of Jupiter it is, to quote London's yoof of today 'fackin massive innit.'

According to the free-scoring boffins, who as of yet are still to observe the planet named Tyche, the titanic and somewhat shy ball of gas consisting mainly of Hydrogen and Helium, is 15,000 times farther from the Sun than the Earth and has been hiding within the Oort Cloud - itself a hypothesized spherical cloud of comets which may or may not lie approximately,  almost a light-year from the Sun.

Massive Blue

We may have to wait a year or two to see whether Tyche will officially be promoted to the Solar System Premier League (after the relegation of Pluto). It seems Louisiana's MVPs Matise and Whitmire are waiting on the data captured by NASA's WISE telescope, the analysis of which they believe will catapult Tyche into the big league of planets.

Meanwhile back on Planet Everton, the Liverpool Echo have this afternoon published its own data based on the findings of its week-long poll, enigmatically titled:

 

'Everton FC in focus:

Just what does the future hold for the Blues?'

More than 1400 Evertonians exercised their view by answering amongst other questions:

Do you want Everton FC to be sold?

Do you believe Everton will be able to retain their best players this summer?

Following the publication of the club accounts, do you fear for Everton's future?

To quickly summarise:

88% of fans do not believe enough is being done to find a wealthy new owner.

78% do not think the club will be able to hold on to its best players in the summer.

56% want the club to be sold, another 40% insist it depends on the identity of the potential owner.

87% say they've given up on a new stadium.

71% say they fear for Everton's future.

78% don't think club will be able to hold on to best players this summer.

There you have it then, a conclusive set of results as one could reasonably wish for but (and this is the problem with all polls) whilst they can be useful and even successful, poll results can and will be taken apart, dependent of course on which view you hold in principle. The inevitable bottom line thus being; polls remain a flawed medium. Having said that, it could be argued that it is not only the poll results but the change of focus from the local press that is of prime importance here. Continuing on from last week the paper is apparently running with a week-long series looking at the future of Everton FC and in particular the well-worn issues of the stadium and the club's finances.

No doubt, they will also roll out and dust down a token rent-a-quote 'expert'  (or two) who predictably, will once again attempt to bedazzle the plebs with their oh so very well-worn rhetoric.

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Just for balance like.

Wild Wild West

I suppose it is a little known fact that back in the 19th century, over a quarter of a million people departed Wales in search of a better life in the USA. A significant number of these intrepid pioneers, in search of fertile land to farm, chose to join the wagon trains moving west. The violent and vicious  James Gang of whom Jesse was the most infamous, were in fact direct descendants of those adventurous taffies.

Of course,  for anybody who has ever had the pleasure of visiting Wales, stories of  bar room brawls, sheep rustlers and bandits will come as no surprise. 

Talking of Welsh cowboys, ex-Everton midfielder Barry Horne has come out all-guns-a-blazing in the defence of the current custodians of Everton Football Club. According to 'Bronco Barry,'  who has obviously been twatting the Wild Turkey, Evertonians should 'trust the leaders with the club at their heart' as in Barry's world they are'the key to progress.'

[caption id="attachment_61" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Close To His Heart"][/caption]

You'd have thought, given Horne's Everton FC experience and the clubs current on and off the field condition, the last thing he would be promoting in the local press was 'more time' for a patently redundant chairman and his feckless board of directors. Perhaps Barry feels he has a duty to remain faithful to his ex-employers or maybe it is a question of wild west genes. As the old cowboy proverb says: 

"Before cussing the boss, saddle your horse....."

"YeeeHaaaw"

 

 

Legacy - Kenwright and the Porn King

The recent shenanigans concerning which of the multi-millionaires would be handed the prefered bidder status of  the Olympic Stadium put me in mind of another great lost opportunity: the failure of Everton Football Club to secure a state-of-the-art stadium for a relative pittance at Kings Dock.

Look At The State Of That

Now that would have been a legacy to be proud of for our very own darling of London's West End, Mr William Kenwright CBE. Unfortunately it turns out that every other word excreted from his mealy mouth proved to be well, shite. A distraught and broken man, Kenwright was never seen to darken our door again and a long-term plan to redevelop Everton FC's spiritual home, Goodison Park, was implemented. Leading to the iconic and unique stadium the team thrives in today - or did I dream that last bit? Ah well.....

Back down in The Smoke, Daniel Levy was pissing himself laughing at the worst idea since the invention of the helicopter ejector seat: the hair brained notion that a running track must be retained at the Olympic Stadium. Now the 'appy 'ammers have been given the nod, he's very thoughtfully demanding legally binding guarantees that the running track remains, which is nice.

Anyway, not to worry. Once the Porn King's wet dream goes tits up it'll be left to the tax payers of London to pick up the bill. Some things really are that inevitable.